Using modern dating apps — Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, you name it — can make it feel like you’re the only one failing to find your soulmate. But the truth is, even without the added hilarity that comes with these apps, dating is difficult, and many struggle to find a partner who will provide unconditional love and support for a lifetime.
If you’re one of the many people spending time swiping right in hopes of finding the right partner, then comedian and award-winning writer Lane Moore (How to Be Alone) has insights for you. Moore hosts a comedy show called Tinder Live, where she goes through Tinder profiles with a live audience that decides if she should swipe left or right. She’s also gone on plenty of dates, disastrous or otherwise. So, basically, she’s seen it all.
In You’re Not the Only One F*cking Up, a new Everand Original, Moore lays out the pitfalls of modern dating, and helpful tips on how to avoid them. Additionally, Moore shared her top books about love and relationships — listed below — that exemplify both healthy and toxic love (here’s looking at you, You).
Find inspiration in your love life with these favorites from Moore.
1. All About Love by bell hooks
“To return to love, to get the love we always wanted but never had, to have the love we want but are not prepared to give, we seek romantic relationships. We believe these relationships, more than any other, will rescue and redeem us. True love does have the power to redeem but only if we are ready for redemption. Love saves us only if we want to be saved,” writes bell hooks in All About Love, which has become a mainstay on the New York Times bestseller list since her passing in 2021.
And for good reason. Hooks is considered one of the most brilliant writers about love and the power of community, as exemplified by just about any pull quote from All About Love. This is required reading for anyone who wants to learn how to love without limits, be unafraid to ask for what they need, and show up fully and authentically in their relationships (familial, romantic, or platonic).
2. Love Every Day by Alexandra Solomon
In order to improve your relationship with your partner, parent, or friend, you first have to improve your relationship with yourself. That’s where Dr. Solomon’s book comes in: It contains mantras and small workshops to do every single day of the year. They’re labeled starting with January 1, but any day is a good one to begin this soul-searching work.
Love Every Day doesn’t just have Moore’s endorsement: Lauded therapists like Esther Perel (Mating in Captivity) and Lori Gottlieb (Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) recommend it as well.
3. Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery
You don’t need to read exclusively self-help books to learn what healthy relationships look like. The children’s classic Anne of Green Gables shows the beauty of blood ties and found families, and how love can be found in unexpected places.
Unwed and aging siblings, Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert, decide they wish to adopt a young boy to help around the farm, but instead, they’re sent sweet but fiery 11-year-old Anne. Though this isn’t exactly what either party was looking for in a relationship, they all learn to love each other deeply.
4. You by Caroline Kepnes
Here’s a book about how modern dating can go horribly wrong.
Kepnes’ runaway hit is an unnerving novel about how easy it is to fall prey to stalking (or, to become a stalker yourself) in this hyper-connected digital age. Narrator Joe Goldberg will do whatever it takes to win — or worm — his way into Guinevere Beck’s heart. What’s even creepier, he believes he’s doing it all for love. (Stalking is among one of the few hard-and-fast red flags in a relationship.)
Penn Badgley plays Joe in the TV series adaptation of the novel, essentially portraying a much creepier version of his character on Gossip Girl.
Hear how to avoid modern dating’s pitfalls in Moore’s own words in her Everand Original.
If you’ve all but given up on finding your soul mate, fret not — comedian and award-winning writer Moore (of the hugely popular Tinder Live touring show) provides hilarious and helpful insights about how to make dating and finding “the one” a less arduous process. Trust your gut, stop mindlessly swiping right, and start reading this instead.
You’re Not the Only One F*cking Up is an Everand Original and is available exclusively on Everand. It’s included in our subscription service as an ebook and an audiobook. You can find more Everand Originals here.
